Hello, it brings me great pleasure to meet with you again. In the last newsletter I closed talking about how many parents see their children as their property. The evidence is in the way we treat them. We would not treat our adult relatives and friends like we do our children.

Many times we don't think when parenting our children. Whenever we encounter a challenge we usually don't look for a creative solution. We simply look through our mental files of past experiences and copy and paste the same parenting skills used on us. The insanity is, we know it didn't work for us and we use it on our children anyway. We do this for one main reason. We don't know what else to do. Therefore, we repeat the same parenting skills generation after generation while expecting different results.

This would be all right if we would just look through the data and use what works and discard the rest. This active thinking process is what I call self-awareness; to be conscious of what you think, say and do.

Many times the uncertainty of not knowing what to do creates fear in the parent. This in turn prevents the parent from changing their parenting skills until damage to the child's self-esteem is to obvious to ignore. Some signs of low self-esteem are a negative self image, self-judgment, anger and rebellion. low self-esteem is the gateway to bigger problems.

A child with low self-esteem needs the approval of others in order to feel good about him or herself. These children are vulnerable to pier pressure because they can be easily influenced to act out character in order to compensate for the emptiness they feel. This empty feeling is created by the negative self image they have of themselves. This also is a sign of a person's disconnection from their Source.

In order, to compensate for the lack of energy, they try to get it by the approval of others. This is why some parents say,"Not my child," when they are told about their negative behavior.

Most children see their parent's self-esteem fluctuates with the approval or disapproval of friends and family members. If their friends are happy with them they feel good about themselves. If they are unhappy with them they feel bad about themselves.

When a parent see themselves through the eyes of others they give control of their lives to that person. The problem is these people suffer from low-esteem too. If not, they would not need to control and manipulate others through their emotions. Of course they would never admit this because people with low self-esteem are not self-aware, thus denying their controlling and manipulative behavior.

I want to clarify that having the approval of other people is a nice thing, but if your emotional well being is affected when you don't get it, then it becomes an issue.

It is imperative for a parent to take a close look at what they really think about themselves, then work on releasing those life robbing beliefs. When a parent starts to reclaim their worth, then by default they will teach their children theirs.

The parent that suffers from low-esteem is because they don't see themselves for who they truly are. The lie they live severs the connection they have to their Source energy, which then renders them powerless. Much like a calculator that needs a certain amount of energy from its batteries to function properly, so does a person. If the batteries are depleted, or in this case, the connection to the batteries are poor, the parent malfunction much like the calculator would, adding and subtracting incorrectly.

In an effort to compensate for the lack of energy the parent feels, they seeks elsewhere for an energy source. The only immediate supply that surrounds the parent is their children. The parent plugs into them, drains them of their energy, and leaves them disconnected as well. Now both the parent and child feel powerless and sees the world as a place of struggle and pain. This illusion and lie is created from the disconnected state the parent and child lives in.

A parent can regulate the amount of energy they function with by choosing what they believe about themselves. When they do, they create a stronger connection to their Source, which empowers them to function with greater efficiency in life. When a parent has a negative self image they create a weak connection, which in turn give them little energy, hence malfunctioning much of the time.

We can tell how good our connection to our Source is by the way we feel. If we are for the most part happy, joyful and see good things coming into our life then our connection is strong. If we are generally angry, worrying, overwhelmed, confused or depressed our connection is very poor.

The problem is we were never taught that we can change or control how we feel. We do this by choosing our thoughts and beliefs. We may not be able to control what thought initially enter our minds but we can say how long that thought or belief can stay there.

Unfortunately, many parents have been raised with a negative belief system. (A negative belief system and low self-esteem means the same thing) As children they often heard, "Don't do this. Don't touch that," or "Can't you do anything right." Their attention has always been drawn to what they can not do. They were always limited or restricted with the word "NO" to the point where it has been imprinted into their consciousness. They have been conditioned to say "No" to what they desire in life.

What later happens is these children grow up, have children of their own, while having a negative belief system. When a parent lives a disconnected life they really don't have much to offer their children. Except, how to live a life of struggle and unfulfilled dreams.

The same applies to our children when they become disconnected. They begin to malfunction and behave in a manner that is not a match to their well being.

I believe all children are born fully connected to their Source. Their joy and happiness is an indication of that connection, for them to be otherwise is an indication of their disconnection. To disconnect a child takes vigorous effort. The kind of effort put forth by a well-meaning, loving parent using bad information. How does a parent know when they are disconnecting thier child? When they are feeling bad when parenting them. Our feelings is the most accurate and direct way our Source communicate with us. Feelings is the language of Spirit.
That is why I say that parenting is truly effortless. The reason why parenting becomes difficult is because the parent doesn't trust thier feelings. And when you ignore your feelings you ignore God's advice.

Where else do our children learn disconnection? From who do they learn about fear, anger, resentment, shame and hate? Primarily the parents! In fact, when we tell our children, "You better listen to me. I know better than you, because I've been around a lot longer than you have." we are hurting them. Because the child is born connected to their Source, while the parent is oblivious to their own disconnected state.

The emotions of fear, anger, shame and hatred are signs of a person's disconnection. And love, happiness, joy and excitement are signs of a person connection. Which one are you generally? Which one is your child generally? This is what Jesus meant when he said, "Come to me as children."

What can a parent teach their children when they are generally disconnected? How can our children not rebel! Who would willingly choice a a life disconnected from their Source. A life that would be plagued with worry and fear? They rebel because they are fighting for the survival of their spirit! However, in their rebellion and struggle they become disconnected anyway. It's a lose, lose situation for them.

The first thing we must do as parents is to become aware that we may be the ones doing something wrong. It is crucial that we accept responsibility for our part of the problem. If we don't, we have no chance of creating a solution. Therefore we stay powerless and teach our children powerlessness too.

We need to change the way we think if we want our children to be different. Because they keep coming forth and getting caught up in our old repetitive, ineffective fear-based belief system. Some break through, but with far too many scares.

We can no longer see them as our property, but as powerful individuals with the birth right to make thier own decisions.

There is a difference between controlling your child and influencing them. And there is a difference between influencing and manipulating them. You can gently guide and advice them, but when a parent jumps in to rescue their child, they either prolonging their process, or remove the tremendous potential of growth. The greatest gift you can give someone is allow them to experience what they choose. Even if it's an unconscious choice.

I will share with you a shift I made in the way I think about my children that had an impact on my life equivalent to a meteor hitting the earth. Needless to say, everything changed, everything!

As a child, religion taught me that I was a human being with a soul. The problem with that belief is that I saw myself as a physical being first, along with all the limitations the physical world has to offer. When I shifted to seeing myself as a spiritual being first, and a physical being second, I was able to pierce threw the illusion of the physical plane into a limitless universe. A world of infinite possibilities.

This different way of thinking had a similar effect on my life when I went from seeing my son as my "property" to seeing him as an individual that longed for life itself. In fact, something bigger happened, I saw him as me, an unlimited being that deserved to be honored, respected and allowed to make his choices and experience the outcome.

It was a dark moment when I came to terms with the damage I was doing to my son. But I soon realized that feeling regretful, ashamed or sorry for myself wasn't going to serve me or my son. Except to continue my disconnected state, which is something I have done long enough.

When I started to change one thought, one action at a time it helped me in managing my feelings. I was powerless to change the past, however the future is where my potential lies, because I could exercise my power by making new choices.

I remember once yelling at my son until he cried. I told him how irresponsible he was for not coming straight home after school and making me worry. (My ego loved that, because it felt powerful emotionally beating up a 10-year-old.) But today I'll would say in a caring tone, "how much I love you and how concerned I was when you did not get home at your usual time. I thought something may of happened to you. Then perhaps I would of joined him in his joy when he tried to tell me how much fun he had climbing a tree with his friends, that he lost track of time. But since he was my "property" I couldn't see why I should join him in his joy since it was "his fault" that I was worried and angry. Instead, I held my ground in my fear (disconnection) and demanded him to join me there. His tears were quite satisfying to my ego.

Today I know better, he will never come home again to my fear-based, insecure blaring ego that had the need to strip him of his joy (spirit).

Our children are so precious, they are gifts of the rarest form. We must recognize their rarities and allow them to offer the gifts they came forth to share with humanity.

The poem you are about to read helped me make this shift, which happened instantly. I could no longer justify yelling at him whenever he didn't meet my expectation. I could no longer justify the demeaning looks I gave him in an effort to control him with fear. I could no longer justify hitting or spanking him, regardless of what he did. I could no longer justify badgering him with my feelings of inadequacy and fears. I could no longer justify my verbal abuse. I could no longer justify damaging him in any way. I started to become responsible for my thoughts, words and behavior.

A new day has risen, infinite possibilities liad before me and my son. My power was in my future as long as I made new choices.

I am going to make this a 4 part presentation. I will first share the poem with you and give you time to absorb it. In the next issue I will share what I got from it. Before reading, please open your heart and mind.



Speak to us of Children

Kahlil Gibran

Whenever I read this wisdom my heart melts with sweetness, as my belief in a romantic, compassionate Universe deepens. S/he is always offering to heal us, to soothe us with her tender words, always calling us back home. We've been away to long, far to long.

Quote of the Month :

Living is easy with eyes closed, misunderstanding all you see?

John Lennon

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