I would like to take an opportunity to welcome you to the very first issue of "Connected Parenting". Before I continue any further I would like to ask one thing of you, and that is NOT to accept anything in this newsletter unless you feel comfortable with it.

So with that said I am going to share with you a story of a man who enjoyed nothing more than the circus. Every time the circus would come to town he would spend all his spare time there, fascinated with all the activities. He would get on all the rides, eat all kinds of food and talk with all the neighbors and strangers alike. What fascinated him the most were the animals, particularly the elephants. He would stare in awe of these eloquent creatures, mesmerized by their magnificent size and strength.

On one particular day the trainer walked over and said, "They are beautiful animals aren't they?" The man replied, "Yes they are, but one thing puzzles me." "What is that?" asked the trainer. "The elephants are biggest and strongest animals that walks the earth. How can a such small chain around his ankle hold him captive?" The trainer looked at the man and answered, "Well, you see, the chain was first put on him when he was a baby and couldn't break it. Now that he is bigger and stronger, it isn't the chain that holds him captive, but his belief that he can't break the chain.

I share this story with you because I want parents to realize that what they believe about parenting was given to them by their parents. And their parents got their parenting beliefs from their parents, and so on. We need to stop and take a look at what we believe about parenting. Because to many of us are repeating the same parenting skills that was used on us, on our children. For the most part, we are using two thousand year old parenting beliefs to raise today's highly evolved children. These beliefs were not very effective then, and they are much less now. And when we get less than desired results, we blame our children.

Most family problems are created when a parent assumes that the problem always lies with the child, when in fact it lies with the parent. But since we were raised believing that our parents were god like and couldn't possibly be wrong, we don't question what they say, as kids, we just assume the role of being wrong, then project the same image to our children.

I remember always hearing "What is wrong with you. Why don't you listen." The sad truth was that I wasn't doing anything wrong, I was just being a child. The real problem was nobody was willing to be patient and listen to the child. It just seemed easier and safer to blame the child than to accept responsibility for one's behavior.

It wasn't until I was in my thirties, and after therapy that I was able to see how dysfunctional my caregiver was. I was taught to see myself as a problem, just like my caregiver was too.

I believe we truly can not give to our children what we can not give to ourselves. The very fact that little patience and understanding was given to me, directly reflected how my caregiver cared for herself. This lack of inner-personal skills bleed through to her parenting.

Please don't misunderstand me, I love my caregiver, I just understand today that she did the best she could with what she knew how. I believe this to be true for all parents. So, it isn't that we have to try harder because we are already trying our best, we just need to change the information or beliefs we are trying with.

We do this by questioning the beliefs that were given to us by our well-meaning parents and religions. And coming up with our own opinions based on our own life experience and feelings.

To improve our parenting skills we need to look within ourselves and unravel the confusion that resulted from all of the social, cultural and religious beliefs that have been thrown upon us as children. We need to re-trust our own intuition and accept ourselves fully with all our weaknesses and strength.

To accept ourselves does not mean to recognize our weaknesses and shortcomings and say, ok I accept that about myself. It means to recognize them, then incorporate change at our own pace. It is the very act of change that expresses the love we have for ourselves.

The only difference between man and animal is that man can become self-aware and change his beliefs. The elephant can never say I am grown up now, I think I can break this chain, so that my offsprings and I don't have to experience captivity any longer. However, man can! This ability of self-awareness is the greatest gift the Universe has bestowed on man. In fact this exclusive gift is what makes man the privileged being that he is - God's greats creation.

The power to change our minds sounds fundamental, that's because it is! However, most parents don't use their power to choose. As children we had no input on what to believe. We were simply handed a set of beliefs and were told to make them our own. And because we trusted our caregivers we blindly accepted them, and on went the shackles. In many cases, the the belief is so deep that many people argue and fight for their imprisonment.

Changing the way you think, can, and will change your life for the better. However, you must be willing to take a look at what you believe and question them with an honest attempt for YOUR own truth. In doing so, you will first discover that your beliefs have held you captive. Secondly, you will realize by simply changing them you will be able to unlock the shackles that held you in bondage for so long, so long in fact, you won't remember when they first went on.

They say the truth will set you free, and I believe that, but what I want to make clear is that I am not here to tell you what that truth is. What I am here to share with you is where you can find YOUR truth. Whenever I share something with you, DON"T blindly accept it, ask yourself how does this feel? If it makes you feel free even a little bit, then and only then, should you consider making it your truth. Only your personal experience of freedom will confirm what is truth for you. Only when you are free can you help your children be free.

Keep in mind that truth is like eternity, it will forever keep unfolding, so be prepared to release what was once truth for you in exchange of a higher truth. I know this sounds contradictory since truth should be absolute and final. But truth expands as your mind expands, therefore always changing.

The intent of this newsletter is to share with you what I have learned through spirit and experience in hopes that your travels in life are made easier. If you allow me, I will assist you to look at yourself, your children and your life from a broader perspective. And help you to improve your inner-personal skills, which in turn improves your parenting skills.

Remember, we can not teach our children what we are not, and what our children learn from us today may carry our signature for millennium to come.




Is a stay at home mom a better parent than a working mom?

I recently was watching a program on "Good Morning America", about how working mothers and stay at home moms felt about their roles. What amazed me was how these mothers were critical of each other.

The stay at home moms were saying how fortunate they were by staying home and raising their children, and how guilty they would feel if they went off to work and left them for someone else to raise. They would then close by saying, "I don't know how working mothers can do it." The working mother would then respond, "I don't have a choice" or "I love what I do, that's why I work."

But still with all that said there was still a thread of anger or frustration with the stay at home mothers since they felt they were putting off, or sacrificing other dreams they had. In addition, the working mother's feelings were laced with guilt or shame for not spending more time with their children.

In an effort to rationalize their choices, these mothers failed to see how their feelings were working against their goals. Which I believe was to be there for their children emotionally and physically.

What these mothers did not see is their inner most thoughts and feelings were in direct conflict with their parenting goals, which I believe was just not to spend quantity time with their children but quality time as well.

For the sake of clarity, let us equate physical presence with quantity time, and emotional presence with quality time.

If a stay at home mother feels frustrated, unfulfilled or angry at a inner level because she feels she can not pursue other goals, than not only is she diluting the quality of her time she spends with her children, she is also communicating lack to them at a subconscious or inner level. In other words alot of her time interacting with her children would be laced with frustration, disappointment or even anger.

If a working mother is feeling ashamed or guilty because she is working and can not spend more time with her children, than she too is communicating that, and parenting from a place of lack as well.

We are all like radio towers constantly sending and receiving signals. If the signal we are sending is guilt, anger, or any other negative emotions, then our children will pick up on the negative vibes and be influence by them.

It does not matter what our choices are but more importantly how we feel about our choices. If a parent feels confident, clear and secure about her decision weather to a stay at home with her children or go to work she will communicate what she feels. Since feelings is the language of spirit than our feelings is the most accurate and effective way to influence our children at the inner most level. Our children are closer to their spirit then most adults are, making them very sensitive to the signal/energy in their environment.

So choice what ever you want, or need, but just stick with it, by feeling good about your decision. By feeling good about your choices and life, you connect to your Source at a deeper level, and when we are connected we become power-filled having more to give ourselves, our children and our community.

©Armando Sanchez



Quote of the month:

You were created to be free. In fact, you are so free you can even choose bondage.

Abraham Hicks



In our next issue

The topic will be, "To spank or not to spank only you can say." Sometimes we make an outside source our authority and by doing so we create conflict within ourselves. We become torn between 'spare the rod and spoil the child' teachings and by how we feel after the rod is applied. This article will help you get clear on what is right for you by getting you back to your authority within.



Thank you for your time we will see you next month. Remember we carry a wide selection of play dolls, from baby dolls, toddler dolls, fashion dolls, wedding dolls, ethnic dolls and much more.

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